Never be the same

Father, you have opened wide the door to your throne room.  Forgive us for spending so much of our time on the outside trying to figure things out for ourselves.  You are the God of all creation!  The God who has saved us from eternal death!  How can we ever doubt that you can meet our current needs?  And yet sometimes you desire for us to wait and learn to trust you when we lack.  We are reminded that even your most beloved Son did not enter this world in luxury as he lay in the unusual bed that you provided.  We realize that even with so much blessing and abundance, our tendency is to take our eyes off of your kingdom and spend our days trying to build our own.  Lord, we want to trust you in every moment!  And we need your help even for this.

Father, forgive us for how little we speak your name.  It grieves us that sometimes we are more concerned about offending people than we are about offending you.  Sometimes we forget why we are here.  We forget that you have saved us so that we can tell others about you.  We are more concerned with people liking us and thinking well of us.  But then, if we can only get a glimpse of Christ!  If we can see his unwavering obedience in the midst of opposition...we can see that sometimes the truth is not so well received.  For even though he spoke the truth in perfect love they still wanted to throw him off a cliff (Luke 4:29).  Even though he healed a man, tormented by demons, living in a cemetery, crying and cutting himself...breaking the chains that the people tried in vain to bind him with, the people still wanted Jesus to leave their region.  

"The incessant screams echoing through the night must have frightened even the strongest men.  Only the demons wanted to be near this nobody in the cemetery.  

Until Jesus showed up, that is.  When he showed up, the world changed.  The demons knew their reign in this man was over.  They were no match for the one they recognized as the Son of the Most High God.

The  change in this man is striking, in fact.  The crazy man became sane.  The naked man was clothed.  His screams of demonic control would be replaced with shouts of praise.  So dramatic was his change that the townspeople were frightened when they saw him.  After all, Jesus had done something amazing in his life.

This man did what you and I would likely do: ask to stay with Jesus, who had changed him remarkably.  That wasn't Jesus' plan though.  He doesn't work miracles in our lives so that we can just hang out with him.  He changes us so we can proclaim his power and grace to others.  'Go back home to your own people, and report to them how much the Lord has done for you and how he has had mercy on you,' Jesus told the man...and that's the way it's supposed to work.  A nobody amazed by Jesus tells everybody what Jesus did..." 

(From "Nobodies For Jesus" by Chuck Lawless)

Only Jesus could set him free from the chains that weighed heavy on his soul (Mark 5).  Father, it grieves us that some of our friends and loved ones do not even realize that they are bound.  They are accustomed to life as they have always known it and do not know of the beautiful relationship they are missing with you.  Father, we pray you would open their eyes to the truth.  We pray for the light of the gospel to shine in the darkness.  Help us not to forget that we should be lights that shine for you.  It's not just a cute little saying for kids.  Letting our light shine is everything!  It is why you have made us your own...so that others may see it and glorify you!  

Father, help us to remember that obeying your commandments is just as New Testament as it is Old.  You have not changed.  You have always been merciful, gracious and holy.  You character did not change when you gave us your one and only Son.  In fact, he showed us who you are.  In Jesus we see your glory, full of grace and truth.

Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ has been born of God, and everyone who loves the Father loves whoever has been born of him. By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God and obey his commandments. For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome. For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world except the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God? 1 John 5:1-5

Lord, let us never be deceived into thinking that anything apart from your perfect will is good for us. Let us never think that our sin will offer the true and lasting satisfaction that can only be found in walking in your ways. Your "commandments are not burdensome". On the contrary, your commandments are freedom, joy, life and light! We find all of this in you and in your word, Lord. Give us the grace to never forget that we are over comers through faith in Christ. We have believed that Jesus is the Son of God and we will never be the same.

Not me, Lord

When I have a difficult experience that leaves me with raw and tender emotions, it takes a little while to move past it.  I have to wrestle with it and it takes time to process it.  I pray continuously...basically every time it hurts.  I beg for grace to love as God loves.  And to forgive as he forgives.  I cannot find it within myself.  

I know in my heart that the truth of his word will revive and refresh me.  But sometimes there is the voice of doubt that nags me with questions like, "Can God really help you?", "If you think his word is so powerful and helpful then why does it seem so unrelated to what you are feeling right now?" and "It's all stuff you've read before...it's not going to meet this need."

These are the lies that I am tempted to believe.

And there's more.  There is another lie that goes right along with this is one.  It's when I think that getting together with other believers won't be worth it.  I am tempted to let my feelings and the obstacles that I face dictate my actions.  It seems better to withdraw and fade into the background where it's comfortable and no one gets hurt.  Especially me.

Relationships are hard work sometimes.  It's easier to avoid them.  They can be messy things.  There are misunderstandings and offenses.  Sometimes there are offenses that are very difficult to work through.  And if not for God, I think I might lose all hope at times.  But with God there is love and mercy.  For me and for you.

Each time we go through a difficult struggle we will either trust God or believe a lie.  We can make the choice to trust him each time we have to put one foot in front of the other and do the things that are so hard for us.  We definitely need his help to see things his way when our hurts and struggles cloud our vision.  And there is much praying to do as we seek to regain our focus.

Would it surprise to know that sometimes pastor's wives have inner struggles with going to church or events?  It is less of a struggle than it used to be for me.  But I have not entered into an impenetrable bubble where emotions and temptations are not something that I have to deal with.

One particular time, I had been facing some challenges that were stretching me and I was really wrestling with some things.  I didn't want to go to an event and end up struggling inside with people all around me.  Didn't want those emotions coming out and getting noticed!  It's hard to feel like you have to muster up strength when you feel so weak.  And it's hard to stop thinking about yourself and how you feel.  And sadly, you tell yourself stories about how it's probably going to go.  What you imagine may even be based on the hard reality of a past experience.  And wouldn't Satan just love to use that to take you out of commission..."Another one who won't serve, love and encourage the body of Christ.  They would rather wallow in self pity.  Perfect."

We talk ourselves out of things as we imagine how it's going to go and we find ourselves getting deeper and deeper into a slump.  Somehow when we are feeling down, all of the encouraging and uplifting experiences we have had seem to fade into the background.  It is then that the discouraging ones are magnified in our minds.

Again, are we believing the truth or a lie?  Are we as faithful to God as he is to us?  It's true, it might turn out to be a bad experience like you thought it would.  But you know...nine times out of ten it probably won't.  

And you know what?  The tears we are trying to hold inside just might come out and, wonder of wonders, other women may be able to encourage us like we never even thought possible.  It's a beautiful thing when that happens, isn't it?

I find that when God helps me to work through my feelings, my hurts and my doubts, I end up praying a simple, heartfelt prayer.  I have prayed it many times.  I often pray this when I am driving on my way to meet with God's people or with anyone for that matter.  Just a few words...

"It's not about me, Lord.  Not me, but you!  And not me, Lord.  But them."

Not very eloquent, I know.  But my goal is to impress it so deep into my heart and mind that it never leaves!  It is always a resolute decision.  This is me battling with myself.  It is me battling with the tendency to put myself first.  I battle it because I know that is not where I belong.  That is God's place.  And the people he has placed in my life to serve, love and encourage?  They come before me too.  This is the attitude of one who desires to follow Christ (Phil. 2...just read the whole thing...). And it is so easy to get the order mixed up.  Thank God for his patience with us!

But sadly, we can become so self-centered that we are battling God instead of our selfishness.  We are saying no to something that he wants us to do.  We are going after what we want and not what he wants.  God, help us to see when we are doing that!

It always helps me to think of Jesus.  He always did what was pleasing to the Father.  Even when it was hard.  Very hard.  Like going to the cross and suffering more than we can ever imagine, hard.  But he did it for the "joy that was set before him" (Heb. 12:2).  He said, "Not my will, but yours be done" (Luke 22:42).  Is that my attitude?  I sure want it to be.  And I pray that for all of my brothers and sisters in Christ.

Things won't always go as we expect.  How many times have I gone to gathering of God's people and come away from it more encouraged than I ever thought possible!  And I am so glad that I went! Yes, there are the discouraging times too.  But you know what?  I believe that God uses even those for his glory.  He just wants your willingness.  He wants you to pray before you decide to stay home.  He wants your heart.  And he wants to teach you to love him more than anything else...especially more than you love yourself.  This is something that I am sure I will be learning and relearning my whole life through!

It's not about me, Lord.  But you.  Amazing, gracious and wonderful you.  Your will be done in me, I pray.

It's worth the effort

Last night, after most of the children had gone to bed, I settled in on my couch with a new crochet project.  Taking a ball of yarn and making something with it just thrills me.  The yarn was chosen by me.  I hunted online for the perfect stitch.  I had my favorite crochet hook ready to go.  This would be a unique creation.  The fact that it is also a gift only added to the excitement.

Everything was going well until I realized that I was doing the stitch incorrectly.  In fact, I had done stitches where I wasn't supposed to and my project was coming out all weird and wavy.  After about an hour of work (at least I was somewhat watching movie) I reluctantly had to unravel my project.  

No matter, at least I had realized my mistake.  I began again.  I kept testing the size around my neck to make sure it would fit well.  It seemed good but the further along I went, the tighter it seemed to get.  I wanted it to have at least some drape to it.  I could keep going (very tempting at this point) and end up with an infinity scarf that is too small and will never be worn or I could learn from that mistake too and start again with more stitches this time.  

Even with something as relaxing and enjoyable as crochet it is hard to undo your hard work and effort.  It's tempting to think that time has been wasted since all the work is undone.  But is it wasted?  Didn't I learn from those mistakes?  I have had some measure of success with other scarves.  Not totally perfect but I was still pleased with the results.  But I was really earning my stripes with this one.  Each time I unraveled it I felt a little frustrated but I also dreamed of how beautiful it was going to be when I finally got it right.

I was thinking about this today as I was going about my morning routine.  I thought about how much this concept relates to ministry and our efforts to serve God.  Not everything gets off the ground so easily no matter how good your intentions.  Not everything plays out exactly as you plan or imagine it would.

Efforts are made, time is spent, energy is expended and it does not go as well as we would have hoped.  But you know what?  It's ok.  Really it is.  Because God is still at work.  We are learning.  We are works in progress.  The whole lot of us!  

He will be at work through every failure, every disappointment and every dashed hope.  He has power to work in hearts in a way that no one on this earth can.  He doesn't need large numbers.  He has an even greater vision than we do of what he wants his church to become.  He is the author and finisher of our faith!  He is not done!  No matter how small your turn out.  No matter how little response you get for you efforts.  Don't lose heart.  Stay faithful.  Keep at it.  And who knows what wonderful things God might do through you if you stick with it and never give up.  

Learning to bend

When we get married we usually consider ourselves to be "grown ups".  But what many of us don't realize is just how much growing up we will have to do in the years ahead.  Two sinful, and in many ways, selfish people are learning to understand and love one another.  And to love in such a way that they are willing to deny themselves and do what is best for the other.  Learning how to do that is a lifelong process with many ups and downs.  And it is not for the faint of heart.

I don't know about you and your spouse but my husband and I are two different people.  We don't always think and do things in the same way.  We have had differing opinions about dispensing toothpaste (age-old classic disagreement, right?) and how much force to use when closing a car door. 

And then there are much more sensitive topics like finances and how precious time is spent.  It can be a real challenge to come together and agree on these things.  Each of us has certain things that are very important to us.  We often wish that our spouse sensed that importance as much as we do.  But I can testify to the fact that it will often take time, patience and whole lot of prayer.  And of course, change.  But it is not only our spouse that needs to change.  It's us too.  And believe me, if we respond to tough situations with prayer and our hearts are yielded to Christ, he will do the work he needs to do in us. 

I have had moments of frustration and sheer desperation when all I could do was cry out, "Lord, show me how I can best love him in this!" (and I am pretty sure that my husband prays a similar prayer!) Now, let's paint this picture accurately, it has often taken me a while to bend to that point.  But the older I grow with my dear husband, the better I am becoming at turning to God for wisdom and direction.  I am learning to respond to difficulties rather than react to them.  Because reacting usually brings more trouble than it does solutions, right?

God gave us the ultimate expression of love in sending his perfect and only Son to die a sinner's death.  He didn't deserve the suffering and we don't deserve the benefits.  But God was willing to give him for us!  Shouldn't we have the same willingness to focus a little less on what we are getting out of our marriage and focus a little more on what we can put into it?  

I understand, you might be thinking that you put in plenty already but what are those points of contention that you are facing in your marriage?  Have you prayed about them?  Is there a way that you could focus more on ways that you can love your spouse and do what is in their best interest?  Even if it means saying no to yourself?  Are you willing to bend?  Or are you waiting around for him to get everything right first?  If so, you may end up waiting a long while.  Might God want to use you, shape you and make you into a wife who can honor him regardless of what your husband does or doesn't do?

Sure, bring up the issues (and try not to do it just after he brings up an issue to you!)  But don't turn the tables on him.  Just take what he says to heart and pray hard.  Don't wait for him to be the first to bend.  Be willing to do some bending of your own.  Be willing to pray to a God who hears and works powerfully in your husband's heart in ways that you cannot fathom.  Our willingness to bend in our marriage is directly related to how yielded we are to Christ.  He has already given us his all.  How can we give him any less?

Open our eyes

Hearts may be darkened and held captive by the power of sin but there is One whose power has broken the chains of sin and death.  There is One whose perfection covers our imperfections.  

There is One who shows us how needy we really are.  We can compare ourselves to others and conclude that their need is greater than our own.  But that is our pride and arrogance.  When we compare ourselves to Him, we see how much we fall short of His glory.  And it is in this realization that a wonderful relationship begins. 

A relationship that is based on our need being met by a perfect and holy God.  This is the truest and most beautiful love we will ever know.

Many people do not understand what this Christianity thing is all about.  They think it's church on Sunday and living according to certain standards...praying before you eat and not saying bad words. Sure, these things should be a result of a changed heart.  But they are not all.

I am not the same person I used to be.  And it is not because I got religion.  It is not because I turned my life around.  It is because God met my deepest need.  I thought I was pretty moral compared to some.  But then the splendor of his holiness showed me otherwise.  I thought I had made a pretty good life for myself until I understood that he had given me my life and I wasn't living it for him.  I thought that, overall, I had made good enough choices but I wept when I realized my guilt and that God had chosen to love me and forgive because His Son died for my sins.

I am thankful that God, in his amazing love and mercy, opened my eyes to my need for forgiveness.  He helped me to see that I was not whole, I was not right and that all I ever needed was found in Christ!

It doesn't matter what circumstance we are in, we can thank God for the wonderful grace we have been shown.  Each of us will face a certain degree of imperfections during the holidays.  Relationships are difficult and not always what we wish they were.  Our pies might get burnt.  We may feel lonely and long for better days.  Take heart!  God is at work in and through us!  

People are trusting in Christ to forgive their sins.  People are choosing to show love and grace instead of hate and bitterness.  This is God's work.  And it is glorious to behold.