Learning to bend

When we get married we usually consider ourselves to be "grown ups".  But what many of us don't realize is just how much growing up we will have to do in the years ahead.  Two sinful, and in many ways, selfish people are learning to understand and love one another.  And to love in such a way that they are willing to deny themselves and do what is best for the other.  Learning how to do that is a lifelong process with many ups and downs.  And it is not for the faint of heart.

I don't know about you and your spouse but my husband and I are two different people.  We don't always think and do things in the same way.  We have had differing opinions about dispensing toothpaste (age-old classic disagreement, right?) and how much force to use when closing a car door. 

And then there are much more sensitive topics like finances and how precious time is spent.  It can be a real challenge to come together and agree on these things.  Each of us has certain things that are very important to us.  We often wish that our spouse sensed that importance as much as we do.  But I can testify to the fact that it will often take time, patience and whole lot of prayer.  And of course, change.  But it is not only our spouse that needs to change.  It's us too.  And believe me, if we respond to tough situations with prayer and our hearts are yielded to Christ, he will do the work he needs to do in us. 

I have had moments of frustration and sheer desperation when all I could do was cry out, "Lord, show me how I can best love him in this!" (and I am pretty sure that my husband prays a similar prayer!) Now, let's paint this picture accurately, it has often taken me a while to bend to that point.  But the older I grow with my dear husband, the better I am becoming at turning to God for wisdom and direction.  I am learning to respond to difficulties rather than react to them.  Because reacting usually brings more trouble than it does solutions, right?

God gave us the ultimate expression of love in sending his perfect and only Son to die a sinner's death.  He didn't deserve the suffering and we don't deserve the benefits.  But God was willing to give him for us!  Shouldn't we have the same willingness to focus a little less on what we are getting out of our marriage and focus a little more on what we can put into it?  

I understand, you might be thinking that you put in plenty already but what are those points of contention that you are facing in your marriage?  Have you prayed about them?  Is there a way that you could focus more on ways that you can love your spouse and do what is in their best interest?  Even if it means saying no to yourself?  Are you willing to bend?  Or are you waiting around for him to get everything right first?  If so, you may end up waiting a long while.  Might God want to use you, shape you and make you into a wife who can honor him regardless of what your husband does or doesn't do?

Sure, bring up the issues (and try not to do it just after he brings up an issue to you!)  But don't turn the tables on him.  Just take what he says to heart and pray hard.  Don't wait for him to be the first to bend.  Be willing to do some bending of your own.  Be willing to pray to a God who hears and works powerfully in your husband's heart in ways that you cannot fathom.  Our willingness to bend in our marriage is directly related to how yielded we are to Christ.  He has already given us his all.  How can we give him any less?