I didn't intend to fall asleep with my two year old. The last I remember, I was trying to get him to settle down for bed. He had so much energy and wanted to play and giggle. And though I would tell him it was time to settle down for bed, his playfulness kept winning me over. I remember when he finally began to lay his sweet head on the pillow. But that is the last I remember. I was surprised to wake up at 4:00 AM and realize that I had fallen asleep without intending to.
There is something wonderful about waking up at that early in the morning and knowing that you might have at least a couple of hours before anyone else wakes up. I was giddy with excitement! I brewed a cup of coffee and settled in on the couch with my laptop. Time to catch up on some articles I had saved to read for later.
The time flew by and I decided that I would put my focus on my Bible reading...especially before the kids got up (since I preferred the quiet version). Usually when 6:30 AM comes around I know that it is going to be any minute now that little ones will wake up and be in need of my attention. I had to use my time wisely.
I began to read and my mind was so full and active that I could hardly concentrate on the text before me. Is it possible to read an entire two or three paragraphs and not have a clue what on earth you just read?! Why, yes! And thankfully I realized it because the last thing I wanted it to be was a meaningless exercise. I prayed that God would help me give him my full attention. He did help me and I really do cherish the quiet time I can spend reflecting on his word and praying.
I want to be a woman who prays more. It's all about relationship, trust, dependence, and grace. It's not just words and heaping up eloquent phrases. No, far from that. It's truly seeing my needs and the needs of others and knowing that God can meet every single one. It's desiring to have his work and his will to be done in and through me.
This morning, in the quiet of my living room, I prayed. God shows me things in his word and I know that I am in a good place when my heart is exposed and he shows me what needs fixing. I know that when he stirs my heart to love more, give more, pray more...I know I am headed in the right direction. Because, really, I could be satisfied with things as they are. I could say it's good enough and continue on with business as usual. But the more I think about my responsibility as a woman of God, as a mother, a teacher...(a leader, as so many of us are without even realizing it!) the more I cry out to God to show me what more he would have me to do for him.
I shed quiet tears as I prayed that I would love more today than I did yesterday. That I would notice more, listen more, and hug more. It is rather sobering for a mother to consider that though there is grace and mercy for every oversight and lack, there is also so much potential to impact future generations with your very life! This truth astounds me and leaves me almost speechless sometimes. The thought that just by making even the simplest of changes to my daily routine I can live a more fruitful life for my Savior. The reality that every commitment I make matters for eternity.
There is so much I am doing yet so much I could do. And this is where prayer comes in. This is when I pray to God that he will show me how I can best serve him and bring him honor.
This morning I want to thank him for giving me a little class of children to teach on Sunday nights. Yes, most of them are my own children but that's ok! I didn't think it was what God had for me to do. I thought it would be temporary and I even tried to find someone else to take my place. But I have truly grown to love teaching truth to these young souls who are learning so much about the world around them. What a blessing to be able to teach them about God! We are memorizing God's word together every week. And these little theologians are learning doctrine! Last night, I was so delighted to introduce the kids to a prayer journal that I got so that we can keep a record of the things we are praying to God for and anticipate his answers. We put all of our chairs in a circle and prayed to almighty God.
These things are the most precious treasure to me. Because they are eternal. I thank God for his work in and through his people. I am probably the most undeserving of anyone to serve him. My Redeemer lives! And that my soul knows very well.
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