Learning to bend

When we get married we usually consider ourselves to be "grown ups".  But what many of us don't realize is just how much growing up we will have to do in the years ahead.  Two sinful, and in many ways, selfish people are learning to understand and love one another.  And to love in such a way that they are willing to deny themselves and do what is best for the other.  Learning how to do that is a lifelong process with many ups and downs.  And it is not for the faint of heart.

I don't know about you and your spouse but my husband and I are two different people.  We don't always think and do things in the same way.  We have had differing opinions about dispensing toothpaste (age-old classic disagreement, right?) and how much force to use when closing a car door. 

And then there are much more sensitive topics like finances and how precious time is spent.  It can be a real challenge to come together and agree on these things.  Each of us has certain things that are very important to us.  We often wish that our spouse sensed that importance as much as we do.  But I can testify to the fact that it will often take time, patience and whole lot of prayer.  And of course, change.  But it is not only our spouse that needs to change.  It's us too.  And believe me, if we respond to tough situations with prayer and our hearts are yielded to Christ, he will do the work he needs to do in us. 

I have had moments of frustration and sheer desperation when all I could do was cry out, "Lord, show me how I can best love him in this!" (and I am pretty sure that my husband prays a similar prayer!) Now, let's paint this picture accurately, it has often taken me a while to bend to that point.  But the older I grow with my dear husband, the better I am becoming at turning to God for wisdom and direction.  I am learning to respond to difficulties rather than react to them.  Because reacting usually brings more trouble than it does solutions, right?

God gave us the ultimate expression of love in sending his perfect and only Son to die a sinner's death.  He didn't deserve the suffering and we don't deserve the benefits.  But God was willing to give him for us!  Shouldn't we have the same willingness to focus a little less on what we are getting out of our marriage and focus a little more on what we can put into it?  

I understand, you might be thinking that you put in plenty already but what are those points of contention that you are facing in your marriage?  Have you prayed about them?  Is there a way that you could focus more on ways that you can love your spouse and do what is in their best interest?  Even if it means saying no to yourself?  Are you willing to bend?  Or are you waiting around for him to get everything right first?  If so, you may end up waiting a long while.  Might God want to use you, shape you and make you into a wife who can honor him regardless of what your husband does or doesn't do?

Sure, bring up the issues (and try not to do it just after he brings up an issue to you!)  But don't turn the tables on him.  Just take what he says to heart and pray hard.  Don't wait for him to be the first to bend.  Be willing to do some bending of your own.  Be willing to pray to a God who hears and works powerfully in your husband's heart in ways that you cannot fathom.  Our willingness to bend in our marriage is directly related to how yielded we are to Christ.  He has already given us his all.  How can we give him any less?

Open our eyes

Hearts may be darkened and held captive by the power of sin but there is One whose power has broken the chains of sin and death.  There is One whose perfection covers our imperfections.  

There is One who shows us how needy we really are.  We can compare ourselves to others and conclude that their need is greater than our own.  But that is our pride and arrogance.  When we compare ourselves to Him, we see how much we fall short of His glory.  And it is in this realization that a wonderful relationship begins. 

A relationship that is based on our need being met by a perfect and holy God.  This is the truest and most beautiful love we will ever know.

Many people do not understand what this Christianity thing is all about.  They think it's church on Sunday and living according to certain standards...praying before you eat and not saying bad words. Sure, these things should be a result of a changed heart.  But they are not all.

I am not the same person I used to be.  And it is not because I got religion.  It is not because I turned my life around.  It is because God met my deepest need.  I thought I was pretty moral compared to some.  But then the splendor of his holiness showed me otherwise.  I thought I had made a pretty good life for myself until I understood that he had given me my life and I wasn't living it for him.  I thought that, overall, I had made good enough choices but I wept when I realized my guilt and that God had chosen to love me and forgive because His Son died for my sins.

I am thankful that God, in his amazing love and mercy, opened my eyes to my need for forgiveness.  He helped me to see that I was not whole, I was not right and that all I ever needed was found in Christ!

It doesn't matter what circumstance we are in, we can thank God for the wonderful grace we have been shown.  Each of us will face a certain degree of imperfections during the holidays.  Relationships are difficult and not always what we wish they were.  Our pies might get burnt.  We may feel lonely and long for better days.  Take heart!  God is at work in and through us!  

People are trusting in Christ to forgive their sins.  People are choosing to show love and grace instead of hate and bitterness.  This is God's work.  And it is glorious to behold.

 

What truly matters most

I now understand what it feels like to send my first born off to college.  Will it be easier the second time around?  I wondered how the reality of things would hit me when she left.  I felt such a strange mix of grief and gladness all at once.  Every time I thought of how much I love my daughter, my hopes for her, the way God has provided for her already, all the years...the memories...my beautiful girl!  I even cried when I brewed a pot of coffee because I usually brew some for her too.

When I think over the past nineteen years of our life with Amera, I can't help but think of the truly meaningful things.  Most of all, the time we invested in teaching her about God.  My mind goes to those things.  The times we read missionary biographies together.  The time that her and I memorized the book of James together and surprised my husband for his birthday when we could quote the whole thing!  The times we got up earlier than all the others and prayed and did our Bible study together once a week.  

All of these things took some planning and plenty of thought and effort too.  And I hope I don't sound like I'm bragging.  I just want so much for families to experience the blessing of God's joy, peace and love in their homes.  Putting God first does not always come easily.  In fact, it rarely does.  

It's going to take some goal setting and seriously thinking about what you hope to instill in the hearts of your children.  

As for me, I have one in college.  But I also have seven more that are still here.  I know my time with them is short.  How am I using it?  That is a question that I often ask.  And admittedly I don't always like my answer.  But there is always hope and I can always make changes starting now.  By God's grace I can be spent for the sake Christ and devote my time to teaching my children about him.

This evening we sang together as a family.  It's been a while since we've done that.  I think my husband was pretty inspired by the big "hymn sing" we had at church.  He's been singing ever since!  I love that!  

And then, my little girl and I were sweeping the floor and cleaning up after dinner and she was just full of questions.  Whenever my children ask questions it is like the most amazing gift to me!  Those natural moments when they feel safe enough to open their hearts and share with me what they've been thinking about and struggling to understand.  What a wonderful opportunity I have as a mom!  

Please don't misunderstand me.  I know the regret of wasted time.  I understand the struggle of knowing when to put away the screens and give more to my kids. I feel like I give them so much by taking care of their physical needs.  But what about the spiritual?  That doesn't always come easily.  They don't always want to do it.  And they aren't always as quiet as I want them to be.  

But you know what I've learned?  I've learned to stop waiting for the perfect circumstance.  Because it never comes.  They need you to lead them.  To show them what really matters.  They need you to teach them all there is to know about God.  

Because when it's all said and done.  Knowing him is everything.  And I know that if I have done all I can to lead them on that path, then I have done well.  They're in God's hands, just like they've always been. 

"I love my church"

Sam, our one year old, has this electronic toy that plays songs about various things that have special meaning to little people.  When you push the red buttons a child-like voice sings about her love for her shirt, shoes, coat and pajamas.  She'll sing about the special qualities of the thing she "loves".

We probably use the word love a little more casually than we ought to.  And so much so, that we tend to forget what it really means.  Far too often, we love things (and people) only as long as they are meeting our needs and keeping us happy.

When we say "I love my church" do we mean that we love God's church?  Not just the facilities and resources it possesses or the ministries it offers but the people within its walls?  And not just the people that you get along with?  But more than that, do we love God so much that we want his will to be done and not our own?

I read in the Scriptures of Jesus who emptied himself, became a servant and was obedient unto death (Phil. 2).  And who are we that we should receive such grace and benefit from such an amazing sacrifice?  

Are we committed to loving and serving even when our perceived needs are not being met?  Will we step forward to serve when the services we'd like to see are non-existent?  Maybe you have a burden for a particular thing and God wants to use you to start something for his glory?

Sadly, our inclination is to withdraw from fellowship when we sense any lack.  But if we are prayerful and devoted to understanding the teachings of the Scriptures, then our minds can be renewed with the attitude of Christ who came not to be served but to serve (Matt. 20:28).  How much more should we have this attitude?  We, who have been mercifully saved from our sin by his grace?  

It's easy to recognize the selfless beauty of Christ's attitude and to appreciate it.  But it is not so easy to put it into practice.  

We tend to have the opposite attitude.  It's not uncommon for God's people to have a consumer mindset toward church.  When we buy something we expect it to be worth the money we spent on it.  If we are taking the time to go to church, we might think "It had better be worth my while."  Do you notice the attitude of entitlement there?

Don't get me wrong, being "fed" spiritually from the preaching of the Word is important.  Being loved and encouraged in your faith are important.  You might even be thinking that you would serve if only you were given the opportunity!  But in all of this...our attitude...what is our attitude?

We really need to shift our focus from getting to giving.  We should "Go to give".  I read that somewhere years ago and it has stuck with me.  Are there benefits that we will receive from the ministry of our church?  Yes!  But sometimes we will have to wait on the Lord, his timing, his work in hearts, his will for us.  These things do not happen over night.  And God is far more interested in us having the attitude of Christ and submitting to his will than in getting our own way.

It is tragic that people spend so much time "feeling disconnected" and not having their expectations met that they fail to realize just how connected they really are! 

God desires for us to live out this true and vital connection with the Body of Christ by having the attitude of Christ.  He came to serve.  If even the King of glory had this attitude, shouldn't we?

(NOTE: To be clear, there are unhealthy and unsafe situations that a person should not remain in.  Please prayerfully seek wisdom from the Lord and godly counsel from people that you trust.  I am speaking here to Christians who are in churches that have biblical preaching, teaching and practice.  Yet, as all churches are, imperfect places where people sin and don't get it right 100% of the time.) 

We're not competing, we're on the same team

Surely, there is so much more to our relationships with each other as women than we often settle for.  We have built up far too many walls between us.  We have made far too many comparisons of ourselves with other women.  We are so quick to forget that God has given each of us our own unique gifts and talents to serve him with.  Because of our jealousy we begin to despise other women who are made in God's image.  This ought not to be.  

Have you noticed that the more we compare ourselves with each other, the more competitive we become?  I do not want to compete with others.  I want to be who God made me to be and be happy that you are being who God made you to be.  I want us to be on the same team, cheering each other on.  I want us to be humble enough to admit our faults to each other.  To then be able to encourage each other and effectively pray for one another.

God has given you gifts and talents that he has not given me.  You may be better equipped to play music, organize an event, notice a particular need and meet it, teach, pray, cook or create.  We may have similar talents.  Let us use them to serve Christ.  If you are better at something, it doesn't make you more and me less.  If I excel in one way, I should not be proud and your pride should not be hurt.  Pride should be far from us as women of God!

Instead, we should humbly acknowledge that we are who we are by the grace and mercy of God and encourage one another in serving Christ.  You may inspire me and I may inspire you and I may be challenged to improve and grow in Christ because of your shining example.  Iron sharpens iron.  That is as it should be.

But when we lose sight of the real goal we have as women of God, which is to know Christ and make him known, we become distracted by comparisons and differences and Satan gets a foothold.  

Let's serve him together with our hearts united in a common goal.  We all have our own set of strengths as well as shortcomings.  We cannot hide the latter nor should we be so intent on trying.  Because then how would we effectively pray for each other or sharpen and be sharpened?  

Let's get to know more of Christ and make him known.  And all along the way, let's love one another as he has loved us!  For without love we are but clanging cymbals.  A wonderful way to begin on that path to harmony and unity is to begin to pray for the women you struggle with.  Pray for the women who rub you the wrong way.  When you realize that you are comparing yourself to another woman confess it to God and pray for her.  Pray that God would help you to love her as Christ loves her.  Pray that God would use her gifts and talents for his glory and honor.  Pray whenever those thoughts come and don't give up.  Because love, unity and effective Spirit-led ministry depend upon it.