I now understand what it feels like to send my first born off to college. Will it be easier the second time around? I wondered how the reality of things would hit me when she left. I felt such a strange mix of grief and gladness all at once. Every time I thought of how much I love my daughter, my hopes for her, the way God has provided for her already, all the years...the memories...my beautiful girl! I even cried when I brewed a pot of coffee because I usually brew some for her too.
When I think over the past nineteen years of our life with Amera, I can't help but think of the truly meaningful things. Most of all, the time we invested in teaching her about God. My mind goes to those things. The times we read missionary biographies together. The time that her and I memorized the book of James together and surprised my husband for his birthday when we could quote the whole thing! The times we got up earlier than all the others and prayed and did our Bible study together once a week.
All of these things took some planning and plenty of thought and effort too. And I hope I don't sound like I'm bragging. I just want so much for families to experience the blessing of God's joy, peace and love in their homes. Putting God first does not always come easily. In fact, it rarely does.
It's going to take some goal setting and seriously thinking about what you hope to instill in the hearts of your children.
As for me, I have one in college. But I also have seven more that are still here. I know my time with them is short. How am I using it? That is a question that I often ask. And admittedly I don't always like my answer. But there is always hope and I can always make changes starting now. By God's grace I can be spent for the sake Christ and devote my time to teaching my children about him.
This evening we sang together as a family. It's been a while since we've done that. I think my husband was pretty inspired by the big "hymn sing" we had at church. He's been singing ever since! I love that!
And then, my little girl and I were sweeping the floor and cleaning up after dinner and she was just full of questions. Whenever my children ask questions it is like the most amazing gift to me! Those natural moments when they feel safe enough to open their hearts and share with me what they've been thinking about and struggling to understand. What a wonderful opportunity I have as a mom!
Please don't misunderstand me. I know the regret of wasted time. I understand the struggle of knowing when to put away the screens and give more to my kids. I feel like I give them so much by taking care of their physical needs. But what about the spiritual? That doesn't always come easily. They don't always want to do it. And they aren't always as quiet as I want them to be.
But you know what I've learned? I've learned to stop waiting for the perfect circumstance. Because it never comes. They need you to lead them. To show them what really matters. They need you to teach them all there is to know about God.
Because when it's all said and done. Knowing him is everything. And I know that if I have done all I can to lead them on that path, then I have done well. They're in God's hands, just like they've always been.
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