Sometimes a mom just needs a break. Sometimes a Target trip for dishwasher detergent results in also buying a notebook and pen and sitting down with coffee and banana bread in the Starbucks near the exit. I didn't exactly plan it that way when I left the house but thankfully I have an understanding husband who was at home with the kids. A little time to write and reflect was just what this mama needed.
Tough Saturday morning for me. There was too much to do and too much that I was allowing to weigh on me. I think it's safe to say that we all struggle with things not being the way we'd like them to be. And sometimes it's just the little things adding up into one big thing if we let them. And I just had so much to accomplish today and if I had it my way I'd race around doing it and have everything just so...but no.
And the Spirit reminds me to "Slow down, one thing at a time and with joy..." But the baby is crying again. He needs me to hold him. I have helping hands but he wants me and only me. It feels like I can hardly put him down anymore. I wake up to his cries in the morning and all I want to do is just sit with my cup of coffee in solitude and jot down words in my Bible study booklet. But I sit with him to settle him down again and I remember that I have a Bible app on my phone. If I could just resist the urge to check social media first and just get my eyes into the Word! I can even listen to it if I want to! I can hold the baby and close my eyes and pray. It may not be as I envisioned it or how I want it but I don't have to be hindered in having time with God. As they say, "It is what it is."
I just get tired sometimes. Oh, don't worry about me. It's normal, isn't it? And sometimes the pressure of what we need to accomplish on a daily basis is such a heavy weight and we need to find our rest in God.
I had such a good cry this morning. I was thankful for a bathroom with a locked door and wonder of wonders no one knocked on it when I was in there! I was glad that the kids had music playing so that they couldn't hear my sobs--because sometimes you only want God to hear. And I just cried my heart out to God as I sat there on the floor. Because I need him! I need strength to persevere with joy. I need help knowing what to put first and what can wait. I don't want my kids to have a grumpy mama who only cares that they clean the house today. And believe me, we've done a lot of cleaning but having my attitude right made all the difference. I could have done a lot of damage to souls had I not locked myself in that bathroom for a little while.
Because my heart just wanted to complain. I get tired of having to do the same things day by day. I just never feel done...and the more my heart complains, the more I begin to realize that I need to give thanks to God.
And so I thanked him. For the home he's given us to make all our messes in. For the amazing gift of these precious children. For life! And a thriving, energetic little boy who loves his mommy and wants to be with me. I thank him for clothes to wear...and fold and put away...Dishes to eat the food that he so graciously provides...
I really could go on and it makes the tears well up again! Because God is SO good! To you and to me. And for every complaint that my heart would like to dwell on there are a thousand more things that I can thank him for. And you know, I think that is what I would rather do. Because nothing should shake the joy that I have in Christ.
Saturday, February 7, 2015
Sunday, February 1, 2015
When truly understanding takes effort
My husband and I like to share articles with each other. Sometimes I'll send him a link with the words "What do you think of this?" Sometimes he'll agree with it and be blessed and encouraged and other times he will point something out that I hadn't noticed before. And we'll discuss it back and forth sharing our thoughts and insights. And we sharpen each other, as it should be. We are confident in the unchanging truth of the Word of God but humble enough (by God's grace) to admit when our opinions are wrong. We understand that no human being is beyond the potential for error. Not them, not us.
When we read these articles we see the value in reading the comments as we seek for more understanding through the different perspectives of the people sharing there. Often times the comments actually help to refine and round out the point being made. It is not always that the author has failed to explain their point but you can only say so much in one article. If you have ever tried to write something on a topic you will know what I mean. And it is a frightful thing when a person takes your words the wrong way and doesn't even give you a chance to explain what you meant! We have seen this as we read some of the comments and see that some people have completely misunderstood what the author was obviously trying to say. Words are twisted to take on a meaning the author plainly did not intend. And people are reacting emotionally to the topic.
It reminds me of how people reacted to the Lord himself when he walked this earth. Many times they reacted emotionally to his words and it was usually because of their pride. Their emotionally reactions were so strong at times that they wanted to throw Jesus off of a cliff and even stone him to death! To me, one of the most amazing passages in Scripture is in John chapter 8. Read the heated argument between Jesus and the Pharisees and notice how Jesus continues speaking the most wonderful truths to them over and over. And they get angrier and angrier! They don't seek to understand. They are set in their ways. They will not change their thinking no matter what he says because their hearts are hard as stone. Does it make you shudder? I don't know about you but I never want to be so hardhearted and stubborn that even the most wonderful words of truth and life fail to penetrate my heart.
People are often quick to assume, quick to jump to conclusions, and quick to think they have people pegged. And people can be so harsh and bitter. They are unwilling to listen or even try to understand. This is a very sad place to be. And the direct opposite of God's will for his people.
As God's people we should be "quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger" (James 1:19). We should remember that "A fool takes no pleasure in understanding but only in expressing his opinion" (Proverbs 18:2). We should "pursue what makes for peace and mutual up building" (Romans 14:19).
Far too often we allow Satan to have the victory and create a gulf of division between us. Don't give him a foothold. It will wreak havoc in our churches. Instead, seek peace and pursue it. Seek to understand and do all things in love. And by God's grace, "be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ has forgiven you." (Ephesians 4:32)
May we grow in the grace and knowledge of Jesus and sharpen each other in love. And may God bless our efforts to bring him honor through it.
When we read these articles we see the value in reading the comments as we seek for more understanding through the different perspectives of the people sharing there. Often times the comments actually help to refine and round out the point being made. It is not always that the author has failed to explain their point but you can only say so much in one article. If you have ever tried to write something on a topic you will know what I mean. And it is a frightful thing when a person takes your words the wrong way and doesn't even give you a chance to explain what you meant! We have seen this as we read some of the comments and see that some people have completely misunderstood what the author was obviously trying to say. Words are twisted to take on a meaning the author plainly did not intend. And people are reacting emotionally to the topic.
It reminds me of how people reacted to the Lord himself when he walked this earth. Many times they reacted emotionally to his words and it was usually because of their pride. Their emotionally reactions were so strong at times that they wanted to throw Jesus off of a cliff and even stone him to death! To me, one of the most amazing passages in Scripture is in John chapter 8. Read the heated argument between Jesus and the Pharisees and notice how Jesus continues speaking the most wonderful truths to them over and over. And they get angrier and angrier! They don't seek to understand. They are set in their ways. They will not change their thinking no matter what he says because their hearts are hard as stone. Does it make you shudder? I don't know about you but I never want to be so hardhearted and stubborn that even the most wonderful words of truth and life fail to penetrate my heart.
People are often quick to assume, quick to jump to conclusions, and quick to think they have people pegged. And people can be so harsh and bitter. They are unwilling to listen or even try to understand. This is a very sad place to be. And the direct opposite of God's will for his people.
As God's people we should be "quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger" (James 1:19). We should remember that "A fool takes no pleasure in understanding but only in expressing his opinion" (Proverbs 18:2). We should "pursue what makes for peace and mutual up building" (Romans 14:19).
Far too often we allow Satan to have the victory and create a gulf of division between us. Don't give him a foothold. It will wreak havoc in our churches. Instead, seek peace and pursue it. Seek to understand and do all things in love. And by God's grace, "be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ has forgiven you." (Ephesians 4:32)
May we grow in the grace and knowledge of Jesus and sharpen each other in love. And may God bless our efforts to bring him honor through it.
Sunday, October 19, 2014
when the word is "no"
It is hard for the mother of a new baby to go from the cuddling, comforting, and "I'll do whatever I can for you when you cry" status to being a mom who tells their baby "no". Your sweet child has never heard that word directed at them. For months, you have given them what they cried for. Granted, they haven't wanted much...milk, to burp, a clean diaper, to be held...but you have given them this day in and day out.
And then, it seems like almost overnight they start to show the telltale signs of what they really believe. They believe that they are the boss! They think that they can control circumstances. They will sit...but only if they want to (get ready for the stiff legs and arched back) and they will take a nap when and if they want to (get ready for the loud cries).
If you are like me, you will probably struggle a little through this stage. You are so accustomed to getting your child to stop crying. And now, even though you are doing what is good for them, you are causing them to cry because they don't like your plans for them. Sometimes we are softies and give in to that. I think that we put up with way to much just to keep our kids from crying. They are going to cry when things don't go their way. But you know what? It's necessary for them to learn this.
We have a room in our house where we have a piano and two chairs. I have often enjoyed sitting in one of the chairs for a few moments of relaxation while Sam plays with his toys. Well, his toys are boring to him now. Guess what he has discovered? He has discovered two very attractive and enticing guitars that we have on guitar stands. He likes to crawl over to them and touch them. I understand the appeal but I also know what can happen when a baby of eleven months of age "plays" with a guitar. The guitars have nearly tipped over a few times and it would not take much to destroy them. As I have sat there trying to relax I have often lamented that I cannot because it is inevitable that Sam will be attracted to the guitars and all of my "No Sam" words will fall on deaf ears. He doesn't understand that word yet. But soon he will. And he desperately needs to learn it!
I could remove the guitars and make things a little easier on myself. But I'm choosing to value his discipline more than my comfort! Don't worry, I know I will have other opportunities to relax. (I hope!) But the point is, I am seeing this as an opportunity to teach Sam.
If I let him have what he wants all the time how will he ever learn self-control? How will he learn that when mommy says no she really means it? He cannot see all of the potential problems with "playing" with those guitars that I can. He honestly does not know any better. But I love him and I know that saying no will help him to mature.
I can't help but think of the spiritual implications of this. Does not our wise, heavenly Father know what is best to give and to withhold? He sees all there is to see and knows just what we need to mature and be more like his Son, Jesus. Just because he doesn't give us everything we ask for does not mean that he doesn't love us. On the contrary, it is because he loves us that he will sometimes say no. It may be hard for us when we are really going through it but someday we will look back and praise him for it. Because we will realize that in his perfect wisdom God really did know what was best.
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
families need to grow
As a family we are always growing and changing. Each year I carefully plan out our daily schedule and it is always changing along with us. We learn what works and what doesn't. We learn from our mistakes. We realize when we spent too much time on one thing and not enough time on another. We learn what works best through much trial and error. And at the end of the day, though it didn't go as smoothly as we would've liked, we have a talk about it and we resolve to do better tomorrow.
There are things that are said and almost instantly regretted. There are attitudes that we wish never plagued us. There are things that we wish we could have done if only we had enough time...
I live in a house with nine other people, most of them little. Do you know how often someone is offended or has a hard time agreeing with the other? I lose count on any given day. And it's not always the little people's fault! We are a family. And families have a lot of growing to do. God puts us right in the context of our family and he desires for us to grow within that context. And we grow through all of our struggles to get along. And we grow through all of our wants not being immediately fulfilled. Because moment by moment we are getting better at not putting ourselves first and putting others first instead. It is not easy and it takes effort! But we are being taught by Jesus and he is working on us!
It's no different with our church families. Our church families are also growing and changing. We try new things as we seek to please and serve the Lord. Some things work well and some things don't. We look to God's Word and we seek to understand it and obey it. Sometimes we realize that we are spending too much time focusing on things that don't suit us and not enough time on loving people. Loving people like Jesus did! And being busy about living and sharing the gospel.
We have to give each other room to grow. We have to be tenderhearted, forgiving one another as Christ has forgiven us. Mercy, grace, faithfulness and love are our lights to shine in this dark world. We are all imperfect and needing to grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. I am gladly joining the journey knowing that there will be many bumps in the road. But by God's grace I will keep holding on.
There are things that are said and almost instantly regretted. There are attitudes that we wish never plagued us. There are things that we wish we could have done if only we had enough time...
I live in a house with nine other people, most of them little. Do you know how often someone is offended or has a hard time agreeing with the other? I lose count on any given day. And it's not always the little people's fault! We are a family. And families have a lot of growing to do. God puts us right in the context of our family and he desires for us to grow within that context. And we grow through all of our struggles to get along. And we grow through all of our wants not being immediately fulfilled. Because moment by moment we are getting better at not putting ourselves first and putting others first instead. It is not easy and it takes effort! But we are being taught by Jesus and he is working on us!
It's no different with our church families. Our church families are also growing and changing. We try new things as we seek to please and serve the Lord. Some things work well and some things don't. We look to God's Word and we seek to understand it and obey it. Sometimes we realize that we are spending too much time focusing on things that don't suit us and not enough time on loving people. Loving people like Jesus did! And being busy about living and sharing the gospel.
We have to give each other room to grow. We have to be tenderhearted, forgiving one another as Christ has forgiven us. Mercy, grace, faithfulness and love are our lights to shine in this dark world. We are all imperfect and needing to grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. I am gladly joining the journey knowing that there will be many bumps in the road. But by God's grace I will keep holding on.
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
the heart spill
Just pulled out my green, generic Moleskine journal. The one I bought about a little over a year ago. The one that I had planned to write all of the things pertaining to our life here. A way of documenting the journey with all of its joys and heartaches. My writings in that journal lasted about a month. I tucked it away and after we moved into our house I wondered if I would ever write in it again.
Tonight presented a much needed opportunity. It helps to write out all of the things that weigh heavy on my heart. To not worry about how I'm coming across and just let my heart spill out onto the page. All of the things pressing in and causing concern...all of the things that I feel I need more time to do and the plans that are so important...I know I am not the only one who feels this way. It is just life, isn't it? I am beginning to realize that I may never feel like I am doing enough.
So I just wrote it all out on the page. No fancy handwriting...I went from a bullet list of all the things I'm concerned about to a prayer and then back to the list as more and more came to mind. I have to say, I feel better. God knows my limitations. I even asked him to help me with the things that I have no desire to do. "Change my heart, Lord! And renew a right spirit within me, I pray!"
Today is my birthday. I have no qualms with being public about my age. I am thirty eight. The fact that I am approaching forty is something I marvel at. Me? Forty? Seems so strange. But it's coming and sometimes it seems to be happening so fast. Another thing you might think strange is that I smile when my husband or my children notice a gray hair here and there. I also delight in every white hair in my husband's beard. They are almost like little badges of honor that we have made it this far in life. I am so thankful for this life God has given me. I think that jotting all of that stuff down in my journal helped me to remember that even though it feels overwhelming sometimes I've just got to take it one step at a time. And never stop praying. God is at work! And I want him to be honored in my life.
Tonight presented a much needed opportunity. It helps to write out all of the things that weigh heavy on my heart. To not worry about how I'm coming across and just let my heart spill out onto the page. All of the things pressing in and causing concern...all of the things that I feel I need more time to do and the plans that are so important...I know I am not the only one who feels this way. It is just life, isn't it? I am beginning to realize that I may never feel like I am doing enough.
So I just wrote it all out on the page. No fancy handwriting...I went from a bullet list of all the things I'm concerned about to a prayer and then back to the list as more and more came to mind. I have to say, I feel better. God knows my limitations. I even asked him to help me with the things that I have no desire to do. "Change my heart, Lord! And renew a right spirit within me, I pray!"
Today is my birthday. I have no qualms with being public about my age. I am thirty eight. The fact that I am approaching forty is something I marvel at. Me? Forty? Seems so strange. But it's coming and sometimes it seems to be happening so fast. Another thing you might think strange is that I smile when my husband or my children notice a gray hair here and there. I also delight in every white hair in my husband's beard. They are almost like little badges of honor that we have made it this far in life. I am so thankful for this life God has given me. I think that jotting all of that stuff down in my journal helped me to remember that even though it feels overwhelming sometimes I've just got to take it one step at a time. And never stop praying. God is at work! And I want him to be honored in my life.
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