Just pulled out my green, generic Moleskine journal. The one I bought about a little over a year ago. The one that I had planned to write all of the things pertaining to our life here. A way of documenting the journey with all of its joys and heartaches. My writings in that journal lasted about a month. I tucked it away and after we moved into our house I wondered if I would ever write in it again.
Tonight presented a much needed opportunity. It helps to write out all of the things that weigh heavy on my heart. To not worry about how I'm coming across and just let my heart spill out onto the page. All of the things pressing in and causing concern...all of the things that I feel I need more time to do and the plans that are so important...I know I am not the only one who feels this way. It is just life, isn't it? I am beginning to realize that I may never feel like I am doing enough.
So I just wrote it all out on the page. No fancy handwriting...I went from a bullet list of all the things I'm concerned about to a prayer and then back to the list as more and more came to mind. I have to say, I feel better. God knows my limitations. I even asked him to help me with the things that I have no desire to do. "Change my heart, Lord! And renew a right spirit within me, I pray!"
Today is my birthday. I have no qualms with being public about my age. I am thirty eight. The fact that I am approaching forty is something I marvel at. Me? Forty? Seems so strange. But it's coming and sometimes it seems to be happening so fast. Another thing you might think strange is that I smile when my husband or my children notice a gray hair here and there. I also delight in every white hair in my husband's beard. They are almost like little badges of honor that we have made it this far in life. I am so thankful for this life God has given me. I think that jotting all of that stuff down in my journal helped me to remember that even though it feels overwhelming sometimes I've just got to take it one step at a time. And never stop praying. God is at work! And I want him to be honored in my life.
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