Sometimes a mom just needs a break. Sometimes a Target trip for dishwasher detergent results in also buying a notebook and pen and sitting down with coffee and banana bread in the Starbucks near the exit. I didn't exactly plan it that way when I left the house but thankfully I have an understanding husband who was at home with the kids. A little time to write and reflect was just what this mama needed.
Tough Saturday morning for me. There was too much to do and too much that I was allowing to weigh on me. I think it's safe to say that we all struggle with things not being the way we'd like them to be. And sometimes it's just the little things adding up into one big thing if we let them. And I just had so much to accomplish today and if I had it my way I'd race around doing it and have everything just so...but no.
And the Spirit reminds me to "Slow down, one thing at a time and with joy..." But the baby is crying again. He needs me to hold him. I have helping hands but he wants me and only me. It feels like I can hardly put him down anymore. I wake up to his cries in the morning and all I want to do is just sit with my cup of coffee in solitude and jot down words in my Bible study booklet. But I sit with him to settle him down again and I remember that I have a Bible app on my phone. If I could just resist the urge to check social media first and just get my eyes into the Word! I can even listen to it if I want to! I can hold the baby and close my eyes and pray. It may not be as I envisioned it or how I want it but I don't have to be hindered in having time with God. As they say, "It is what it is."
I just get tired sometimes. Oh, don't worry about me. It's normal, isn't it? And sometimes the pressure of what we need to accomplish on a daily basis is such a heavy weight and we need to find our rest in God.
I had such a good cry this morning. I was thankful for a bathroom with a locked door and wonder of wonders no one knocked on it when I was in there! I was glad that the kids had music playing so that they couldn't hear my sobs--because sometimes you only want God to hear. And I just cried my heart out to God as I sat there on the floor. Because I need him! I need strength to persevere with joy. I need help knowing what to put first and what can wait. I don't want my kids to have a grumpy mama who only cares that they clean the house today. And believe me, we've done a lot of cleaning but having my attitude right made all the difference. I could have done a lot of damage to souls had I not locked myself in that bathroom for a little while.
Because my heart just wanted to complain. I get tired of having to do the same things day by day. I just never feel done...and the more my heart complains, the more I begin to realize that I need to give thanks to God.
And so I thanked him. For the home he's given us to make all our messes in. For the amazing gift of these precious children. For life! And a thriving, energetic little boy who loves his mommy and wants to be with me. I thank him for clothes to wear...and fold and put away...Dishes to eat the food that he so graciously provides...
I really could go on and it makes the tears well up again! Because God is SO good! To you and to me. And for every complaint that my heart would like to dwell on there are a thousand more things that I can thank him for. And you know, I think that is what I would rather do. Because nothing should shake the joy that I have in Christ.
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