So I walked in from a lunch date and found all my kiddos finishing up a movie on the couch. Sammy is asleep in Joelle's arms and the kid's are happily laughing at the antics on the screen. Perfect opportunity to let my heart flow onto the page a little. Yes, the movie is "babysitting" my kids for the moment. But you know what? I am not ashamed.
On the way to lunch I asked my husband a question. "So...do you ever hear the voices that you're not good enough to be doing what you do?" I am not kidding, his immediate, unflinching response was "No." But before I could dwell too much on his answer he said "I already know that I'm not good enough."
This made me chuckle as I realized how right he is. Which of us is good enough to have or do anything? It is by God's grace and appointment that we are here. All we can do is be faithful with what God has given us and depend on him for continued strength and grace to obey his Word.
I am going through a season where I have things that I want to improve upon and change. I am not as I want to be nor where I should be but all I know is that at least I am aware of what I want to change. And I turn to the Lord with those needs. I ask him for wisdom. I pray that I am resolute with my convictions. I pray that I choose to honor him no matter which way the tide flows. It doesn't come easily for any of us does it? At the same time, I am so excited about what God is doing and the new opportunities coming ahead.
As my husband drove me home from our lunch date, I shared with him some of the mundane things of life lately. He knows my heart. He knows how much I want to improve this or that. These things are the day in day out reality of a mom just trying to do her best to function well. (For example, I am considering getting rid of a whole lot of stuff. Time to pull out the big black trash bags! Maybe then we won't have to spend as much time picking it all up!).
It was just a little moment to have a heart to heart about our day to day family life. He put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close. "I love you, Marisha." I love that he does not expect perfection. He just loves me for me. Right where I am. Good thing too! Because when he loves me right where I'm at, I'm more encouraged to love him right where he's at and really, isn't that what it's all about?
On another side note, earlier today we had laughed about a discipline issue. Seriously, all alone in our room where none of the kids could see, we laughed so hard. I love the humor between us. Just how we can talk about parenting and have a good laugh at something that was hard at the time but later we laugh it up. And through the belly laughs saying "That's classic!" I wish I could tell you what it was but I'll just leave it to your imagination. Maybe you've experienced this too?
Well, I think my time's up. I hear some commotion out there which probably means the movie is over. Time to get back at it!
No comments:
Post a Comment